The Voice for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse & Childhood Trauma
Begin your journey from trauma to transformation with Dana S. Diaz — author, speaker, and survivor advocate.
Book Dana to Speak at Your Event
The demand to lead, create, and outperform has never been higher, but the real challenge?
It's not skill. It's not strategy. It's mindset
Welcome! While this website URL features my name, this is really a place for you. It’s a safe place where victims of narcissistic abuse can find information to help cope with their existing or former circumstances.
As someone who has suffered decades of narcissistic abuse, I know that we often feel like our circumstances are unique; that no one else is going through what we are going through, and no one would believe us if we told them the truth. I also know that it’s not always safe or financially feasible to leave a narcissistic spouse or partner, so there is no judgment here. Just support, community and information. I hope my story will help others feel less alone, more understood, and ultimately hopeful that there is a way out.
Follow Dana’s personal journey through her memoir trilogy
Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse
Dana’s best-selling debut memoir that tells the true story of her life with a narcissistic partner and the abuse she endured. Spanning from early red flags to the courage it took to finally escape, Gasping for Air pulls back the curtain on narcissistic abuse and lets survivors know they are understood. (“It’s not just vanity – narcissistic abuse is real, insidious, and it can happen to anyone,” Dana emphasizes in her story.)
Choking on Shame: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family
The #1 New Release prequel to Gasping for Air, this upcoming memoir delves into Dana’s tumultuous childhood. It exposes how growing up with abuse and trauma set the stage for accepting toxic relationships later in life. Choking on Shame is a courageous look at the childhood wounds behind the shame – and how understanding those early injuries is key to breaking free.
Rising from the Ashes: Breaking the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
In the highly anticipated sequel, Dana shares the next chapter of her journey: healing, empowerment, and rebuilding a life of joy and purpose after abuse. Rising from the Ashes will inspire readers to break the cycle and emerge stronger than ever.
Want a PREVIEW before you commit?
Download the first two chapters of Gasping for Air – free
Get a powerful glimpse into Dana’s story of survival, awareness, and healing.
Who I Work With
Why Dana?
Survivor & Advocate: Dana isn’t just talking about overcoming narcissistic abuse – she’s lived it. With decades of firsthand experience, she speaks with authenticity and empathy about surviving narcissists, from a painful childhood to a toxic marriage.
Bestselling Author: As the author of Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse, Dana shines a light on the hidden realities of emotional and psychological abuse. Her memoir – inspired by her own life – became a #1 bestseller, validating countless readers and bringing awareness to covert abuse. trauma.
Inspirational Speaker: Dana has quickly become a sought-after speaker for conferences, corporations, and community groups. She has been featured on nearly 300 podcasts and media interviews worldwide, sharing her story and insights with audiences around the globe. Event organizers praise Dana’s warm, engaging style and actionable takeaways.
Empowering Educator: In addition to speaking, Dana is an abuse recovery coach and co-leads an online women’s healing workshop focused on recovering from childhood abuse. She provides practical tools and heart-centered guidance for rebuilding self-worth, setting healthy boundaries, and moving forward after trauma.
Healing from abuse is not a journey you have to take alone. Dana co-leads a transformative online workshop for women centered around recovering from narcissistic and childhood abuse.
The Real Obstacle
The issue isn’t talent, intelligence, or opportunity.
The biggest challenge faced by individuals
and teams
is internal:
self-limiting beliefs.
They crush confidence, block creativity, and keep people
playing it safe and small.
Why Dana
With certifications in Emotional and Positive Intelligence
Over two decades leading top sales teams and helping hundreds of people
Dana turns EQ into a powerful tool
for leadership, growth, and success.
The Power Shift
After hearing Tara speak, audiences don’t just leave inspired
they leave empowered.
They walk away with tools they can use right away to lead more
effectively, communicate with clarity,
and show up with confidence. Dana delivers relatable stories,
real-world strategies, and actionable
insights that stick.
A Speaker that inspires, creates and educates
Dana S. Diaz is the speaker that curates the Power Shift within through unflinching truth.
Deep down, you know there’s something bigger waiting for you.
You’ve got an amazing idea one that people need but you’re not sure how to take the first step.
With the right strategy and a coach who’s been there, you know you could build something powerful. You don’t want to waste time (or money) chasing methods that don’t work you want a proven path.
You’re ready to learn what it really takes to start and grow a successful business that lasts.
Looking for a Dynamic Expert Podcast Guest?
Dana S. Diaz is not only a powerful speaker—she’s also an exceptional podcast guest. With nearly 300 interviews to date, Dana brings clarity, compassion, and credibility to every conversation.
Whether you're producing a podcast on mental health, women's empowerment, trauma recovery, or relationships, Dana offers a voice that’s both authoritative and relatable.
Topics Dana can speak to:
How to recognize red flags and protect yourself from narcissists
Empowerment after abuse: mindset, healing, and growth
Healing from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships
Covert emotional abuse and trauma bonds
Childhood trauma and family systems
Rebuilding self-worth and identity
How I Help
Coaching
Psychoeducation-based strategy sessions
Group Program
A personalized & powerful 10-week experience
Expert Contributor
Insights & tips from a therapist’s perspective
Keynote Speaker
Dynamic & Compassionate, encouraging & empowering
How Abusers Weaponize Blame and Shame to Trap Victims in Abusive Relationships
“You set a trap for me!” my (then) husband accused the day after he ran up over a curb when he was pulled over by police in the middle of the night. Our son had been in the passenger's seat; and my husband was clearly drunk. So, the local Police chief directed me to drive them both home, opting to let my husband off the hook as a favor to me.
“What are you talking about?” I furrowed my brows at the accusation.
“What are you talking about?” my husband mocked in a high-pitched voice. “You called the cops and arranged to have them arrest me for DUI! Do you realize what would happen if I got a second one? How much it would cost? I’d go to jail!”
I remember wishing they had taken him to jail that night, instead of sending him home with me. It would have given me a slight reprieve from the constant blame for every poor decision and unfortunate circumstance he wasn't willing to take accountability for himself.
Like his infidelity, a spinal surgery that temporarily disabled him, his choice to secretly drain his entire 401K, and every insult and abusive action he took against me, my ex-husband would claim that he wouldn’t have said or done what he had if it hadn’t been for me saying or doing something to cause it.
Sound familiar?
What’s worse is that I had been insulted, demeaned and diminished so often that I had internalized the blame for what went wrong in his life, early on in our twenty-five-year-long relationship; and I tolerated, excused, and enabled it exactly as my mother had taught me to do to endure her husband's controlling and abusive behavior.
You see, abusers work very hard to lure victims into a loving and trusting relationship, just to break them down over time. They often isolate their victim from friends and family, ensuring little or no interference in influencing the victim's perspectives and sense of self.
That’s when abusers blame and shame with accusations like:
“I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t . . .”
“How do you expect me to react after you . . .?”
“I’m sorry, but if you hadn’t . . .”
Over time, these blaming words become truth in the victim’s mind. Why wouldn’t they when their words and actions really do have a direct impact on how the abuser treats or mistreats them, thereby validating the abuser’s claims that the mistreatment and abuse is indeed the victim’s fault?
There is actually scientific evidence to support this.
Hearing something just 2-7 times compels our brain to accept those words as truth.
This asshole in our brain called the Reticular Activating system (RAS) then searches its memory database for every bit of evidence to support the repeated statement. Then, Walla! You now believe that statement as truth and feel terrible shame for being at fault for your own abuse.
So, really, it’s not your fault. It's your abuser's fault. And your brain's default. But the abuser’s isolation and restrictions on you prevent you from knowing this very pertinent information. In fact, they’re betting on keeping you in the dark—uneducated, uninfluenced, uninformed, and under their control.
How can a victim take back control over their life?
➡️By using the same tactic of repetition to retrain your brain out of the blame and shame the abuser is counting on to prevent you from leaving.
Here’s what to do:
💕Think of one accusation the abuser repeatedly claims about you.
💕Reframe that accusation into an opposite, more empowering belief.
💕Repeat that affirmation out loud (or in your head, if you’re unable to voice it) every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep.
💕After 7 days, repeat these steps with a different statement that you’ve carried shame about.
Example #1
Blame: “If I hadn’t said or done [insert the words or actions here], then I wouldn’t
have been mistreated.”
Reframe: “I am free to express myself without being mistreated for it.”
Example #2
Blame: “How they reacted is my fault.”
Reframe: “How they reacted is a reflection of their own insecurities, which I can
neither control nor heal. That’s their responsibility.”
✨And remember, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S INABILITY TO CONTROL THEIR REACTIONS AND RESULTING BEHAVIORS. Nor are you alone.✨
➡️For more useful tips on healing from abusive relationships, please subscribe to my website and Substack to receive my weekly blog posts.
➡️💜If this resonates, I also encourage you to read my full story as told in the first, bestselling book in my memoir trilogy, Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse—available on Amazon, Audible, Kindle, or anywhere else books are sold online.
💔😔And if you are in an abusive relationship,
please call 1-800-799-7233 for 24/7 support.
What others are saying
TESTIMONIALS
A story of strength and overcoming fear and finding self worth! This book was very well written and demonstrated a story I have seen several friends and family go through. The isolation from family and friends, the verbal and physical abuse or even just belittling and loss of self worth. Seeing how the author over comes and find her strength. How after time, she had a great friend who was there waiting. Finding real love with a supportive and caring man and being willing to open up and take a chance to love. I hope many women read this and see it can be anyone and help loose the stereotype and blame, to find ways to prevent this from happening to friends and family or even themselves! A recommended read for all!
AMAZING!!! A MUST READ!!! I couldn’t put the book down! If I didn’t have to work or do life, I would’ve read this cover to cover without stopping. It’s such a well-written, beautifully horrifying story. Dana is honest, raw, and shares intimate details of her relationship that anyone can relate to who has been in a narcissistic relationship. She reminds us of the subtle signs of this behavior that are so easy to overlook and justify when you’re first in it - and then making it hard to leave years down the road -especially when there is a kid involved. I love that the chapters are song titles. There is so much creativity, brutal honesty, and even some humor in this book that make it an easy read. I recommend this book for everyone! Even if you haven’t been with a narcissist, it’s good to know the subtle signs of this behavior and often we encounter people like this in our lives at work and in other situations. I’m going to purchase more books and give them to the people I love that I know would benefit from reading them. Thank you, Dana for sharing your story with us!!
Riveting Truth Here! Dana Diaz is profoundly brave and on a mission in this lifetime. Her book, Gasping for Air took me on a ride that I could relate to through her honest portrayal of what it is like to walk through fire and come out in one piece. Diaz's tempo and pivotal truth-telling uncover realities in living we often hide behind, deny or become desensitized enough to think they are normal. She has stepped up repeatedly to take a ride through hellish hallways all to share with her readers the truth behind abuse and narcissism. Brava, Dana Diaz for dropping the curtain to unveil the cold and brutal truth of a system that is eating humanity from the inside out. And I can't wait for the prequel. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Definitely a MUST read!!! This book grasped my attention from the beginning and I couldn't put it down! Very well written, as it walks you through the experience of an abusive relationship and its toll on everyone involved. This book gave me an enlightened understanding of what victims go through when under the control of a narcissistic personality. Not only was this a great portrayal of how manipulation and control can affect a family, it also gives a heightened awareness as to how it weighs on an individual to the point of trauma induced health issues. Hopefully, this story will be helpful to others in similar situations. Great job Dana!
Very good read. Dana is a great author and knows how to grab the reader. Finished this book in only a few days and can’t wait for the next one!
A great read! I loved this book! Such an important and painful topic, written with such honesty and compassion. I couldn’t stop reading it and rooting for Dana! I have an adult daughter and will be giving her this book. I hope Dana’s well-written reflections of her experiences will help shed light on the warning signs of a relationship with a narcissist. The stories of helplessness, love, optimism and persistence should resonate with every woman of every age!
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