3 Ways to Know if it's Really Love
Let’s be real. Love is probably the most loosely word term in our language.
(Me being me, I just looked for data to support my claim; and yes, “love” is, in fact, statistically one of the most overused words in the English language. Incidentally, it is also written 6 times more than the word “hate.”)
Although that’s an amazing testament to the prevalence of it, the loose usage of the word has caused it to also lose the meaning associated with it.
So, if people are overusing the word “love,” in place of more accurate expressions such as “like” and “care” and “pleased,” then how can one know when it truly really is actually “love?”
💗 When their actions and words align.
In a world where what you see, hear and experience can so easily mismatch, thereby leading to confusion and misinterpretation, it is best to trust the intentions of someone whose actions and words align.
Aside from being a sign of trustworthiness and reliability, the alignment of actions and words shows a conscious intent to present good character within the dynamic of a relationship—that good character being demonstrated in the consistent efforts to consider, support, respect, and nourish the relationship. This is someone who makes a conscientious effort not to repeat words and behaviors that he or she has apologized for. This is someone who does what they say and tells you the truth so you’re never questioning where you stand with them or feel insecure in the relationship.
💗 When you feel “safe” with them.
Presuming physical safety, I’m referring to the safety of being your authentic self in their presence. That is, that you don’t fear judgment, shame, or ridicule for missteps and misspeaks; that you can be flawed and perfect altogether and know that they won’t abandon you or dissociate in response; that they accept you exactly as you are without trying to “fix” or change you in any way.
Another big piece to this is the safety of knowing that you can disagree with them or they with you and the relationship is unaffected. Ideally, you have mutual respect that invites conversation and maybe even debate, but nothing that would threaten the stability of the relationship.
This type of “safety” allows for total openness, honesty, and vulnerability—relationship qualities that provide a foundational base to build a solid future upon.
💗 When there is mutual respect.
We are all autonomous beings with egos to maintain, so mutual respect is a key indicator of a true and healthy love relationship. Mutual respect shows up in the way we honor and value each other, particularly when there is conflict. When one has the option of defending their precious ego or extending love and consideration to the other person instead, and they choose the latter, then that’s love.
Intellectually, anyone can understand that any motion that benefits both parties in the situation is best. However, the ego can be a divisive nemesis when love isn’t existent to remind one that there is another person whose emotions and feelings and reactions will reverberate back to them in some way that will be hurtful to the relationship itself.
So, although I’m a fan of spreading love and I encourage people to use the word more freely, we do need to discern what love really is, to know what it isn’t, at least in our closest relationships. Otherwise, we are setting ourselves up for unnecessary anxiety, insecurity, and, eventually, heartbreak.
➡️For more on what love isn’t, I invite you to read the first two chapters of my best-selling and award-winning debut memoir GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, by providing your email at https://danasdiaz.com.
While there, honor yourself with the Shifting Gears JUMPSTART course, which gets YOU in alignment with what you truly want for yourself and your life.
