5 Lies High-Functioning Women Tell Themselves
Patriarchal society told our grandmas that they couldn’t; and there were laws to trap them in their cages.
Our mothers were told that they shouldn’t but burned their bras anyway. Then they were shamed for disrupting polite society with their insistence on being acknowledged as equals to men in every way.
So now, here we are, with everything our predecessors fought for—education, careers, income, access, authority, acknowledgment—but still fighting a war with ourselves.
Women have positioned themselves in such high-stress roles, taking on every burden, every responsibility, over giving, over committing, and constantly overwhelmed.
It’s hard not to be overwhelmed, though, when we’re doing everything that our grandmas did on the home front as wives and mothers and also doing everything men do to climb corporate ladders or build businesses of our own in what is still a very male-dominated world.
So, it’s no wonder that women statistically experience higher levels of stress and exhibit the physical manifestations of it in their bodies.
According to the National Institute of Health, women are more likely than men to internalize stress and also experience higher rates of anxiety and depression.
How does this happen? Through societal conditioning that makes us believe that everything we've asked for as females is now our burden to carry without complaint.
So as not to appear weak, we tell ourselves:
🤷🏼♀️“It’s not that bad.”
🤷🏼♀️“I don’t want to overreact.”
🤷🏼♀️“I can handle it.”
🤷🏼♀️“I just need to be patient.”
🤷🏼♀️“I should be grateful.”
Have you ever thought or spoken these words?
If so, I understand. Women are often forced to be self-reliant for reassurance and soothing, and in many other ways as well.
But here's the thing—
➡️Sometimes it IS that bad.
➡️Sometimes an overreaction is necessary for a women to be SEEN and to be HEARD.
➡️Just because a woman CAN handle it doesn’t mean she doesn’t DESERVE help or a break.
➡️A woman can only wait so long for HER needs to be honored and respected.
➡️And although gratitude is productive in every situation, wanting more or better is valid, too.
It seems society has taught women to diminish themselves so much that we tell ourselves these lies out of habit.
Let’s not forget that neuroscience has proven that repeated exposure to words or ideas—even as little as 2 to 7 repetitions—causes your brain to begin to accept those statements as truths.
Neuroscience also shows that chronic stress shrinks cognitive flexibility. What that means is that your ability to adapt to new situations or ideas is reduced as a result of high stress. This affects decision-making and problem resolution, and causes dysregulation symptoms that impact clarity and focus.
This isn’t weakness. It’s adaptation.
😖To women’s historical unworthiness.
😖To the silenced voices of all the generations before us.
😖To the acceptance of what we are given and the fear of asking for more.
😖To the presumption that women should abandon themselves for some greater good.
Lying to ourselves isn’t the answer, though.
The answer is to be radically honest with ourselves about our truth, to validate how we truly feel, and to boldly protect our time and energy and values without apology or regret.
Because if it costs your peace, it’s too expensive; and no one is worth the sacrifice of your being.
If any part of this resonates, I invite you to take a diagnostic quiz to determine which aspects of your life might need a little tune-up. Go to https://accelerator.danasdiaz.com for more information.
