How Strong Women Tolerate Disrespect

People presume that strong women don’t tolerate disrespect.
Except… they do. Quietly. Strategically.

The harsh reality is that strong women didn't ask to be strong—they had no choice but to be strong in adverse circumstances they never asked to endure.

What we call strength, however, is really a high-functioning woman who learned to adapt to the pressure.

You see, high-functioning women don’t always have consistent boundaries. These women learned to “push through” overwhelming demands and responsibilities to meet societal, familial, and personal expectations. It's how they learned to survive. They learned to abandon their own wants and needs in deference to some greater good. Society glorifies all of this, conveying a subtle message about self-abandonment being “good” and gracious, and in religious contexts, pious.

But being “good” doesn’t equate to being happy; and that’s where the disrespect comes in.

If you recall a blog post I published last month, wherein I present the statistic about the happiest demographic being married men and single women, I discussed how married women carry the burden of ensuring the fulfillment of those around her—partners, children, parents . . .

In doing so, women get caught in a dopamine and cortisol loop.

Dopamine spikes when we do something “good.” It’s our chemical reward for giving and being of service to others; and that self-gratification supports the external validation we sometimes receive for our efforts. And that is a good thing!

Unfortunately, that dopamine spike is temporary. It’s a false impression of fulfillment that eventually drops.

Cortisol steps in with some level of anxiety and depression to let us know that we have violated our own boundaries or extended ourselves too far to accommodate others. Repeated offenses wear a bit more on our nervous system until total burnout takes over.

Is our mental and physical health worth the price for other people’s happiness?

Let me give you the answer you are probably making excuses for in your head right now—NO.

Any time you disregard your feelings, your time constraints, your energetic capacity, your values, or your boundaries, you are disrespecting yourself; and when you disrespect yourself, you set the standard for others to treat you the same.

People-pleasers will argue that:

➡️They can’t say “no.”

➡️They “have to” do.

➡️But they’re family.

To which I will defend:

✅You CAN.

(You’re just choosing not to, to avoid whatever consequences you anticipate.)

✅You DON’T.

(You’re just telling yourself you’re obligated to avoid the discomfort of disrupting the system you’ve subscribed to.)

✅Biologically, perhaps. But biology is not a permission slip to mistreat or disrespect, unless you allow it.

So, I invite you to reflect on the cost of your strength.

Is your strength felt when you succumb to what others expect from you, no matter the effects?

Or is your strength found within the discomfort of honoring your own needs and wants, regardless of others’ reactions?

No matter which way you choose to look at it, strength without boundaries is always self-abandonment.

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