Falling Leaves: A signal to shed what no longer serves you

"I thought about the trees and their cyclical nature, how their leaves change colors, fall off, and new ones grow in their place. We go through seasons, too, I realized. We adapt and change as our circumstances do, all the while enduring, strengthening, and growing. Even outgrowing as was oftentimes the case."

This excerpt from my third book, RISING FROM THE ASHES: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, describes the realization I came to after enduring a time of heartbreaking pain and loss.

No doubt, it’s difficult to think of removing all which doesn’t serve our best interest or highest good without considering the guilt and shame in doing something for ourselves. Yet, I think it’s absolutely necessary; and here’s why:

Imagine a tree that never loses its leaves. Instead, the shriveled old leaves hang onto the branches, leaving less room for new leaves to take their place. Eventually, there are so many leaves on the branches that the weight of them causes the branches to snap. Some branches break off completely. The tree, knowing the result of carrying so much weight, continues to hold onto those old leaves and new. At some point, the tree may just fall over from the burden of it all.

We are just the same. We often carry the weight of relationships we feel obligated to sustain for whatever reason, or we hold onto unresolved pain from the past, the burden of which makes it much more difficult to nurture new relationships and the healing we so desperately seek from those past pains.

➡️The result? Emotional distress. Anxiety. Depression. Burnout. Breakdown.

Approximately 1 in 5 adult Americans admit to symptoms of anxiety and depression, with the prevalence being more common in women than in men.

Why?

Because, historically, women have been expected to uphold societal and familial roles of caring and nurturing for others, regardless of their own wants and needs. We then glorify these women for their self-sacrifice by calling them “selfless” and “resilient” and giving them the honor of being called “warriors.”

Depending on their age and occupation, burnout among these “warriors” is even more shocking, with 49% to 83% of adult Americans trudging through life with tremendous emotional distress that inhibits full function, thereby impacting every area of life—from home to work, to school and into the community.

So, this isn’t just a mental health problem; this is a societal issue that fails to be recognized with the seriousness with which it seeps into work productivity and health care and the prevalence of anger and abusive behaviors.

*️⃣What can we do, then, as individuals, to create effective change?*️⃣

We can shed what no longer serves ourselves, as demonstration to others to do the same. More specifically, consider:

💕Ending relationships which do not positively support the vision you have for yourself and your life.

💕Distancing yourself from people and situations that negatively impact your emotional and mental wellness, regardless of biological relation and societal expectation.

💕Evaluating which aspects of ourselves are hindered by the lasting effects of old beliefs and unresolved conflicts and traumas

Remember, we are meant to grow in our journey through life. That sometimes involves outgrowing; and there’s no fault in releasing and rising when others aren’t following the same path or choosing differently for themselves.

You owe it to yourself, however, to stop dragging around old baggage. Free your hands to accept new, more suitable opportunities that align with who you are and the direction you want to grow in life.

No shame. No judgment. Just growth.

For, what they say is true: People are meant to be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Whatever the reason, however long the season, appreciate what you learned from those people and situations, and move forward with confidence in knowing that they contributed in some respect to who you are now and will be later.💜

✨To read more about what I learned as I began to heal and overcome past pains, you can find RISING FROM THE ASHES: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible, or anywhere else books are sold online.✨