When Saying "No" Is Protecting Comfort Instead of Peace

I recently declined an invitation to attend an exclusive dinner for women of a particular caliber. The invitation alone was an unexpected honor, as was the personal call from the very wealthy and accomplished women hosting the event. So, I was screaming "YES" in my mind . . .but my mouth said "no."

The woman who invited me was disappointed, but moved on to fill the twenty exclusive spots.

I, however, did not move on so quickly.

That disappointment (in myself) lingered for hours. Then days. Weeks later, I am still reflecting on what happened.

Just two months ago, I began a talk by asking the audience, "Have you ever said 'yes' when you wanted to say 'no?' Nearly every hand in the room went up. So, they were receptive to my points about boundaries and self-protection and insistence on honoring one's wants and needs.

Yet, here I was, overriding my desire to say "yes" with reasonable objections and justifications:

It's not a good time.

I already have commitments that day.

I shouldn't spend the money on the flight.

And the worst one yet . . .

I don't belong at a dinner with women of that caliber!

Except that I do, even if I don't have the tangible proof yet.

So, what gave?

So much of my content is directed at dismantling the fear around saying "no" because so many people are afraid of the consequences of setting boundaries. They would rather live in the familiar discomfort of dishonoring themselves to please others than to invite the possibility of conflict or pushback.

As it turns out, my "no" was said for much the same reason—self-protection.

That "no" kept me safe from the discomfort of spending money I don't have right now, meeting nineteen other women who presumably do, feeling like an imposter, and risking whether all the trouble was worth it.

I hadn't expected the "no" which honored my wants and needs to be the same "no" that denied them.

It's like I was protecting my nervous system from myself!

Sometimes we say no to:

• Visibility.

• Bigger rooms.

• Success.

• Love.

• Joy.

• Travel.

• Investment in ourselves.

• Opportunities

Not because we don't want them...

But because they require us to expand beyond our comfort zone.

Whenever we attempt to step outside the bounds of what is "normal" for us, our body gives physical indicators that serve as warning alarms.

It may begin with anxiety, which leads to sweaty palms or pits and a racing heart. The stomach chimes in with its own discomfort. Then the tension builds in the head. Mental distress can go on for days, causing rumination, overthinking, depression, insomnia.

We often mistake these all for cues to remain within the bounds of what we know.

What's interesting is that what we know feels the same, regardless of whether it is honoring what we want.

So, the next time a decision arises, the answer isn't about responding with a "yes" or a "no."

Its about answering from the right identity.

Too often, we answer from the one conditioned by fear, the one telling us to comply for approval, the one begging to remain within what is familiar.

We can choose, however, to answer from the identity living the life we want instead.

That doesn't require becoming someone different . . .

It just requires you to choose from freedom instead of fear.

Maybe the biggest mistake isn't saying "yes" when you wanted to say "no."

Maybe it's saying "no" to the life you've been saying you want.

If that hit a little too close to home, don't ignore it.

Find out what's really driving your decisions by taking my free POWER SHIFT DIAGNOSTIC Quiz at DanaSDiaz.com. Awareness is where every real shift begins.