How Narcissists Exploit the Holidays: The Dark Side of Giving
I was just six years old when I first experienced a Christmas with a narcissist.
"I knelt on the floor in front of him, bouncing my bottom off my bare feet and clapping my hands with excited anticipation of the praise he'd bestow upon me when he saw what I'd gotten him . . .'What do you expect me to do with this cheap piece of crap?' he said, tossing the little box and the soap onto the floor with the rest of the garbage." -excerpt from the chapter entitled 'Voices Carry' from my second memoir CHOKING ON SHAME: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family.
Although I didn't have a name for this grown man's unreasonable entitlement to a more expensive gift from a young child and the resulting diminishment of my effort and worth, the scar left on my heart was deeply felt throughout my life.
The narcissism was realized by the last Christmas shared with my narcissistic stepfather nearly forty years later, wherein he and my estranged mother presented me with an extremely expensive laptop I'd put on my Amazon Wish List after researching the best laptops for writers.
In the chapter entitled 'Let Me Down Slowly' in RISING FROM ASHES: Breaking the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse (the final book in my memoir trilogy), I recall "recognizing this Trojan horse."
"This just seemed like another way for my mother and Ron to villainize me. I could foretell them telling others what an ungrateful daughter I am to have accepted this ridiculously expensive gift but not speak to them since. They'd never understood that they couldn't buy my love nor my complicity with their facade."
Knowing now what I didn't when I was younger, none of this surprises me. Why?
Because the holidays provide narcissistic personalities with increased opportunities:
➡️For attention. The ultimate goal of any narcissist is to fulfill their ego. So, the multitude of holiday gatherings which occur within family and friend groups, workplaces and professional organizations, provide optimum opportunity for narcissists to charm others with their magnetic personalities and gain glory in the engagement of others in their stories and outlandish humor. They will strive to be the center of attention, even if it takes ruining the holiday altogether.
➡️To convey a higher status or lifestyle. Through the gifts they give and the elevated brands of clothing they wear, narcissists always aim to be perceived as superior. They want everyone to recognize the wealth and status and success they may or may not really have. If they trigger your insecurity in the process, you've given them the gift they were hoping to receive as a result. They might even verbalize that with backhanded compliments or gifts that "you couldn't afford" to buy yourself otherwise.
➡️To create the illusion of selflessness and generosity. They will often out-do others' in extravagance or price (or both) of the gifts they give, as well—even in a $5 office grab bag. Then, they'll pass off the thanks and praise with fake bashfulness. Don't let them fool you, though. Your boost of their ego was their intent all along. They put great effort into crafting narratives about their charitable and generous nature, which completely opposes the true character behind the mask.
Lastly, gifts from narcissists always come with strings attached. They'll never let you forget what they "gave you" or "did for you," regardless of the fact that they did so willingly and without being asked to.
✨So, proceed accordingly. Remember to set your boundaries. Affirm them clearly and confidently. Or just avoid exchanging gifts or any energy with narcissistic personalities at all costs.✨
➡️➡️➡️For more on my personal experiences with narcissistic abuse and behaviors, please check out my memoir trilogy, which begins with the Best-Selling and Award-Winning #1 New Release GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, available on Amazon, Audible, Kindle, or anywhere books are sold online.💖
