The Void Left by the Mother Wound

My mother once asked, “What more do you want from me?”

“Love, mom,” I replied.

But she didn’t understand that.

So, I had to accept that everyone is born from a mother, but not everyone has a mom.😔

Some moms choose not to be mothers.

Some moms choose to be mothers to certain children and not others.

Some moms give up their children at birth,

And some try but abandon their children later.

Some moms pass before we know them,

Or pass after we’ve come to love them.

Some mothers bestow cruelty that love cannot survive.

But all daughters are left with a void regardless.

And that void?

That mother wound?

What do we do with it when this holiday comes around to taunt us with a reminder of what we don’t have?

As a lifelong victim of a mother who hadn’t wanted me but chose to be the mother anyone would wish for to my half-brother, I struggled with the mother wound and the haunt of this holiday for decades.

Here’s how I recommend approaching tough occasions like Mother's Day:

·Celebrate the women who have stepped into that role for you. The grandmother. The auntie. The Godmother. The friend’s mother. The older lady at work. Honor THOSE women for the impact they’ve had on your life. They’ll appreciate your acknowledgment.

·Create your own tradition to celebrate who YOU have become as a result of what you’ve experienced! Treat yourself to a spa day. Order take-out and snuggle at home with a book you’ve been wanting to read. Host a tea party with friends. Whatever you choose, just make it joyful!

·Write a letter. To the mother you never had or the mother who’s no longer with us. Bear your soul. Cry your tears. Don’t hold back. When you’re done, burn it, stow it away, release it into the wind . . .then ground yourself with a walk in nature or in a warm, bubbly bath to soothe.

If you have children of your own, regardless of their age, appreciate them for who they are and how well you’ve raised them despite whatever you’ve experienced.

Because, at the end of the day, we all show up in whatever way we’re able to, whatever way keeps us safe, and it’s not always perfect.

Sometimes, it just is.

For more on my personal story of growing up with a mother who didn't want me, find my second memoir CHOKING ON SHAME: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family, on Amazon, Audible, and Kindle, or anywhere books are sold online.