Tidings of Discomfort and Oy: Choosing Boundaries over Blood this Holiday Season

Not everyone looks forward to the holidays, because not everyone has a family to spend them with.

According to a 2024 poll by YouGov, 38% of adult Americans are estranged from at least one member of their immediate family. Specifically, they are dissociated from a parent, sibling, or child.

Some, like me, have been exiled from their immediate and extended family altogether, due to disapproval for beliefs about religion, politics, lifestyle choices, or disloyalty (as was the case for me, for exposing the truth about the abuse I had endured for decades).

Considering that 69% of Americans have conflict with family during the holiday season for all the reasons stated above and others that are more petty, it's no wonder that some people dread what is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of year."

If you fall into any of these categories, you basically have two choices:

1) You can attend your family's gathering (presuming you're even invited) and suppress your feelings for the sake of peace,

OR 2) maintain your separation for your own peace of mind.

Certainly, there are other factors to consider, like elderly relatives who may not live to see the next holiday, and relatives who are coming in from out-of-state for the holiday.

Some are saved by obligations to a partner's or spouse's family instead of their own. And again, some of us aren't welcome to holiday gatherings.

Whatever you decide, here are some ways to protect your peace this holiday season and year-round:

Maintain Perspective: Remember that biological relation does not guarantee a positive social relationship. So, don't make the opinions of one or many relatives mean anything about you. Some people are just not going to understand or appreciate you.

Set Clear Boundaries PRIOR to the Gathering: Inform the host and whomever you are attending the gathering with of whatever verbal or nonverbal bullying or harassment you will absolutely not tolerate, so that they understand if you decide to leave the gathering early. You may even want to drive separately from your partner or spouse.

Start Your Own Holiday Tradition: Just as 'Friendsgiving' gained popularity as adults trended away from toxic family situations, you can just as easily enjoy your holiday with whomever you choose. You can also choose to enjoy the day off of everything and everyone or take a trip to a spa or desired destination!

✨Whatever you do, remember that you always have options; and that you're not alone in your plight.✨

It's your life. You have the right to live it as you see fit, and with WHO. So, don't spoil a holiday or any day off by doing something that doesn't support your mental wellness and the vision you have for your life. It's okay to do you, boo! You might even like it! 😊

➡️For more on this topic, read or listen to the final book in my memoir trilogy about narcissistic abuse. RISING FROM THE ASHES: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE is available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.📚

Check out my Substack, as well!