When People Give to Receive: How Glorification Disgraces Service

Perhaps it was my Catholic upbringing—which taught me to serve others with anonymity in order to retain humility in the eyes of the Lord—but I am very sensitive to the intentions with which people "give," particularly during the holidays.

In this age of social media, where visibility and mass exposure are available to everyone from soccer moms to celebrities, we are inundated with thousands upon thousands of eager attempts for immediate validation daily.

Although no one can refuse tapping a heart on a post of a young person doing a good deed, it's the pictures and videos that adults post of themselves engaging in charitable and generous work that makes me question their intention in giving.

Are they giving for validation? Or are they giving of pure heart and service?

You see, there's a difference.

Some people give and then ensure everyone they know is aware of what they've done. That, to me, is giving for selfish reason. It's what narcissistic personalities do to create a narrative about who they are, which is often a cover-up (a mask, so to speak) for their true nature, which they go to great efforts to hide.

That doesn't mean they're a bad person. At the very least, it's annoying when we see them being glorified for their seeming self-sacrifice on social media or witness their charity in volunteering at an event, knowing too well that it's all a ruse. But that doesn't mean they are a good person, either.

Then there are the people who "give" for approval. They're insecure. They've been made to believe they aren't worthy. So, they need the validation of their good deeds to know that they are better than what they were made to believe. They people-please for the praise, to know they are worth something to someone. Their giving nature is commendable, however their need to make their good deeds widely known for the sole purpose of egotistical fulfillment removes the purity of their service.

It's that personal gain people seek from bragging about or proclaiming their goodness that disgraces their charitable acts, in my opinion. It precludes the humility of giving, by tainting the virtue of it.

For, the true virtue in giving is in the anonymity of the giver, thereby glorifying the act instead of the actor.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging anyone for their intentions or nature. We all have our emotional baggage which shows up in every action, inaction, and reaction we have in every aspect of our lives. I am simply bringing awareness to the intentions behind giving, which aren't always what they seem to be from the outside.

So, when you see someone a little too eager to brag or show off their good deeds, look beyond the facade to find the truth. You might be surprised to see a greedy exploitation of humble service or a desperate soul who lacks self-worth.

As for their good service, we will all agree to be glad for it. Let's also all agree to be conscientious of why we give, whether it's to appease our insecurities, our ego, or to truly be of service to others in some capacity.

For, somewhere in that truth lies the opportunity to learn and grow, for ourselves and for others; and there is no better gift than that.🎁

➡️Read more about my personal experiences with narcissists who give for glorification in my third book, RISING FROM THE ASHES: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Available on Amazon, Audible, and Kindle.📚