Freedom Begins Where Approval Ends: How to Rediscover Your Authentic Self

July 13, 2026•4 min read

As I reflect more on what freedom means, I find myself returning to the conversation I had with Dr. Mickell Dent on my most recent episode of SHIFTING GEARS LIVE, entitled "From Masking to Meaning."

Dr. Dent, a licensed clinical therapist and transformational coach, is widely known for her TedX talk about removing the masks we wear to reveal our authentic selves and purpose.

Listening to her share her story of disadvantage and adversity, while simultaneously witnessing a woman who shamelessly and proudly embraces every bit of it, I realized that the freedom we so often seek isn't so much independence as much as it's simply being ourselves regardless of others.

Think about it—people introduce or describe themselves by the roles they play in their families, communities, and society:

"I'm a mom."

"I'm a wife."

"I'm a nurse."

Or they identify with medical or mental health diagnoses.

"I'm autistic."

"I'm a disabled . . ."

"I'm bipolar."

By limiting identity to the various roles assumed in life, people lose their sense of themselves. They fall into whatever standards are set for their presumed archetype, conforming for acceptance, approval and belonging—the basic tenets of survival, however archaic.

The unique qualities, quirks, and gifts which individuate one from everyone else—the authentic self—often become self-deprecating labels which judge, shame, and divide us further from our true selves.

"I'm too . . ."

"I'm not enough. . ."

"I don't . . . like they do."

Any of these sound familiar?

If so, you are likely sad, depressed, anxious, or suffering in some way because of the resulting:

Self-abandonment
Self-sacrifice
Self-sabotage

(All the dishonoring acts that preclude the people-pleasing and performative behaviors that end up taking even more of an emotional and physical toll.)

The saddest part is that most of us don't even know this is happening because our perceptions of ourselves and our roles in this life are solidified somewhere around the age of 7!

Like Dr. Dent posted on social media last week, "They handed me labels before I had the change to discover my identity."

That sounds more like oppression than freedom to me.

So, how do we achieve the freedom to be our authentic selves?

I can answer that with one simple question that only you can answer . . .

What lights you up?

Yep, that's it!

Not convinced? Let me go first . . .

What lights me up is . . .

💃🏼dancing to Nu Shooz's "I Can't Wait,"

🎶belting out Taylor Swift's "I Forgot that You Existed" while I'm driving with the windows down,

😃my pride in my son's successes and good decisions,

😂his girlfriend's sense of humor and contagious giggle,

🧒🏼my nephews' silly antics and boundless joy,

🤳🏼messages from my sister sharing photos or life things,

🌇watching the sun set,

🏖️standing on a sandy beach and listening to the waves roll in and fade out,

🤩the twinkle in my husband's crystal blue eyes when he smirks,

🫶🏼the way my husband reaches for my hand when he's walking ahead of me (because his legs are so long),

💬DMs and voice notes from my nearest and dearest,

👵🏼making my grandma laugh,

🐈snuggling with my kitties,

💖anything sparkly or heart-shaped,

👻sharing ghost stories . . .

All of these various parts of my life experience make up the sum of who I am at my core—that is, my authentic self—exceeding the bland and boring version of me that is often introduced onto podcasts as "a wife, a mother, author, advocate . . ."

So, now, it's your turn.

Write a list of everything that lights you up.✨

Then, reflect on how you see yourself a bit differently.🤔

We are so much more than our roles; and when we free ourselves to remove the societal labels placed upon us, we can release those bits of our core being into all dynamics of our lives and live in the glory of authentic being.💖✨