How Your Inner Dialogue Rewires Your Brain (and keeps you stuck in toxic cycles)
Most people don't realize how words impact—and even determine—their beliefs about themselves, as well as the trajectory of their lives.
As I shared in my second memoir, CHOKING ON SHAME: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family, I absorbed my mother's references to me as an "accident" and a "mistake." The resulting combination of low self-esteem and unworthiness led to a twenty-five-year-long relationship to an abusive and violent narcissist whom I married and now share a child with.
My story isn't unique, though.
A Harvard study demonstrated the shocking reality that children hear approximately 18 negative statements for every positive one.
What's worse is that those negative statements, through repetition, cause the brain to believe those words are true; and when we believe something to be a truth, that truth creates our reality.
How?
Thinking or hearing negative words or statements:
Increases cortisol—the stress hormone that induces anxiety and other mental health issues
Lowers immune system function and even plays a part in autoimmunity
Changes the structure and functionality in parts of the brain, thereby impairing perception and decision-making capability
(That last consequence is the most important concept to understand when asking why women so often remain in adverse circumstances, and also explains drug and alcohol addiction. It's not a logical or rational choice; it's an inability to discern perception from truth.)
Neuroplasticity dictates that the words we think and hear, along with what we see and experience in the world around us, develop our sense of perception. Our nervous systems then settle into the comfort of those perceived beliefs, and subconsciously lead us into dynamics that prove those beliefs to be true.
Using my childhood as an example, the verbal and physical abuse I endured compelled me to believe that I really was a "mistake," and therefore did not deserve better than what I was given. That is what led me to repeat that familiar dynamic with my first husband, and the reason too many people repeat toxic cycles and repeat generational trauma.
The good news is that neuroplasticity works to our benefit, as well! Just as the repetition of negative words and statements can hinder our health and happiness, replacing them with positive words and statements can promote them!
The key to achieving success with this is self-awareness.
Next time you find yourself thinking or saying some self-deprecating phrase or hear someone insult you, stop and:
😁Reframe: Turn the negative statement into a positive one. Even less than ideal situations can be perceived in a positive sense. For example, instead of voicing, "I'm so stupid," say, "I am still learning." Instead of saying, "I'm broken," say, "I'm reasonably affected.
😁Repeat: Say the reframe out loud. Three times is the magic number. If you're a real go-getter, write the reframe on a post-it note, on a mirror, or on a whiteboard, if you have one.
😁Rewire: The more often you reframe and repeat, the more your brain will become accustomed to the new thought process. Eventually, your brain will automatically think and say the more positive reframe without so much effort on your part, and then your perception will adjust accordingly.
It's pretty powerful to know how to harness control of your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. What's even more powerful is the change that is created by replacing negative thoughts, and the expansion you'll see in yourself, your relationships, your health, your career, your income, and your overall happiness, as a result.✨
For those who are ready to learn more about how to take back their power—and their life—I offer two self-guided courses that show you how to shift 5 areas of your life to your highest (and happiest) benefit.
🔗Take the Power Shift Diagnostic Quiz to determine which course will best get you to where you want to go!
