I remember the first time I had the urge to spank my son. He was only two. What he’d done to provoke such anger in me, I couldn’t even tell you. But what I felt when my hand did strike his bottom—I’ll never forget.

💔The horror of what I’d done, which mirrored the look of betrayal on his face.

💔The shock of realizing that I was as capable as my abusive parents had been of inflicting harm on my only child.

💔The guilt for not being better.

💔The resentment towards my abusive parents for modeling emotional reactivity as normal.

💔The fear that I was repeating a cycle I had intended to break.

😔The knowing that my son deserved better,

and the worry that I couldn’t be the mother he did deserve.

Although I never raised my hand to my son ever again, I was disappointed in myself for being fully aware of my unhealed childhood wounds but never addressing them.

Therapy and healing were a luxury I couldn’t afford.

I was in a volatile marriage where I was neglected and abused. So, I was emotionally exhausted from the chronic stress of the psychological warfare and the performance I felt compelled to put on for my son and anyone else I interacted with. Financial pressures and failing health weighed on my mind, while my mental suffering teetered on the edge of total breakdown . . .but I had to hold it all together, at the very least for the one person I would die to protect.

Too many mothers go through the motions despite their depletion. They learn to live in survival mode, having no time or energy to find their way out of it.

So, let me share what helped me begin my journey towards a better life for myself and my son:

💕 CREDIT YOURSELF FOR SELF-AWARENESS

Knowing what needs to change, and taking that pause when the situation arises, is a tremendous step towards the change you seek.

Awareness interrupts the thought pattern which leads to the reactive behavior, providing a prime opportunity to choose differently.

💕 DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING

When those choice points arise, choose better.

I actually read this advice in a Christian book called Resisting Happiness. It seemed too simple. Yet it works!

We just need to actually do it—the next right thing, That is, decide the next best step in that specific moment. Perhaps that means taking a deep breath or stepping out of the room to compose yourself.

What I’ve learned is that much of what we react to won’t matter in a day, a month, or a year. As such, we don’t need to act as if it’s bigger than it really is in the moment.

💕 ENACT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR PATTERNS TO HEAL GENERATIONS TO COME

One of my favorite sayings goes: If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you always got.

When we are exposed to unhealthy patterns of behavior, particularly at a young age, we tend to repeat them.

However, when you become aware of their lasting negative impact—on you and your children by default—then you have the power to choose to become healthy for all of you.

How can you know whether a pattern of behavior is healthy or unhealthy?

You usually know. But a surefire way to know for sure is to consider the intention and the impact.

Ask yourself: What is my intention?

Then: What is the likely impact?

If both are positive, proceed!

If one is positive and the other negative, reconsider.

If both are negative . . .you know the answer.

This doesn’t just help a mother heal unhealthy patterns, it alters the emotional trajectory of the entire family.

Ready to go deeper?

📚Read my best-selling and award-winning debut memoir GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.

➡️Get the first 2 chapters for FREE on my website!

✨Attend Villa Vision’s “IT TAKES A VILLAGE” Fundraising Gala on May 30th, 2026, in San Diego, California, to support mothers escaping abusive relationships with their children.

💕Then, return to Villa Vision on Sunday, May 31st, 2026, for an in-person workshop where me and Dr. Karen Kramer will be sharing this and other methods for healing and transformation.

Tickets available at: https://www.thevillavision.com/it-takes-a-village